you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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