he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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