Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
