we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
