I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
