I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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