I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
