man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize