I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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