If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
