Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
