theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
