I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize