3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize