I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
