I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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