Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
