So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
