Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
