i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize