Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
