the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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