Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just want nice things and good sex
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
