why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
