Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize