My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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