it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
