HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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