P.S. I can't hear my feet
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
