can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize