I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
