I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
