so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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