I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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