Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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