Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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