oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
