thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. š¦
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He was all āplease donāt bail because Iām missing work for thisā last night
Honey no, I need dick. Iām not going to bail
Randomize
