I accidentally had phone sex last night
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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