We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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