I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
