i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
