how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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