My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
