She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
