you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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