Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
