My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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