Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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