My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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