Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
