dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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