How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
