I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
