saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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