yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
