There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
