It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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