i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize