I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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