yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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