Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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