Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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