hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
