She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
