Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
