I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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