dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize