you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
