Just cropdusted the office
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize