Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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