I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
