I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
